so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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