I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
