no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The Olympian is in my bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
