i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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