She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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