Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
