Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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