drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
