He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize