I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
