my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
