He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
