I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
