I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
