All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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