Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
