this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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