True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
