wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
