I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
