If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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