just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
