I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
