I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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