Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The uberlube is also flammable
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
