So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
