This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
