Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
