if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
