I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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