I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
