dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
