note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
