That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
