I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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