I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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