Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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