if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
