Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You took a bar mat shot.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
