if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
