Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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