hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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