I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
