Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
