Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
