Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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