At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
