If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
