Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They are going to name an STD after you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
