I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
