this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
