Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
