and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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