I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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