hotel room ftw
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize