Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im having a threesome with these popsicles
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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