Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
