I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
