People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
