me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize