And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
