My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
