i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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