I hate your face
where am i from again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
