What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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