So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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