I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
