but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize