Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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