Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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