i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We need a shit load of segways right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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